Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Why I love Manos

My dad and I have a pretty weird relationship.  Honest to God.  I know, I know.  Everyone says their family is weirder than everybody else's and it's true that I've heard some really bizzare family tales but I just need to know that mine is not a regular family type story.  I mean, seriously.  I don't see myself as a drama queen or someone who is insecure enough to inflate things to a degree that the story is unrecognizable to anyone else, so I think I'm fairly on target with my statements.

He feels so fragile in his love.  I know he loves me but there is so much history and pain and separation in it that we don't know how to be.  We just dance along the edges and surfaces.  How is it that a 54 year old woman becomes a child in her heart when she sees her dad?  How is it that our conversation seems so at ease and yet hides such depths of things unsaid.  It's a test.  Don't you see?  For all of us.  The last two times I saw my dad was by chance at Safeway.  Once in produce and once in the meat dept.  We chatted and kept shifting to allow other shopper to work around us.  Today, I saw him a third time as I worked in my home studio on paintings, I looked out and saw him slowly drive by.  I ran out hoping he would go around the block and come back so I could flag him down.  Waiting in the cold without my jacket because I didn't want to miss him.  I saw him on the corner, hesitating, while I went into the road to wave.  That is our relationship.  It's all by chance.  So much love that has no way to be expressed.  No freedom to just spend time together.  I cherish it because it is all I have with my dad.

Manos: The Hands of Fate is our connection now.  It is really the one thing that gives us permission to be together.  Ever.  So when I say I love Manos, believe me, I mean it.